Thursday, September 8, 2011

Reflections

This is a reflection of the past two years of my life. My Jesus has done most amazing things :) Oh how I love Him!! Some of the things I will say, I have not mentioned to hardly anyone. But the Lord has revealed to me that now is the time to share them publicly, and my prayer is that you will be greatly encouraged, and that the sweet name of Jesus will be honored, praised, glorified, and magnified through this testimony of His love...
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Two years ago today, at the exact time I am speaking, I was sitting in my bedroom. My tear-stained face could not bear anymore tears, as I dreaded the upcoming years ahead of me. One of my very best friends, Bailee, and her family (one of my second families) had just left for Fiji, the place where they were to be missionaries for at least the next three years. I secretly watched an awful tv show on my laptop in my room to try to forget the pain that I felt in my heart. I did not know at the time that Jesus longed to be my Comforter and my all in all. Of course I sang songs about it at church, and had heard it over and over, but I never took hold of it for my own life.

The Mighty One has done great things!

My family was going through a difficult time as my parents were going through marriage problems and my mom was not living at home. I struggled with the fact that I had no hope at all, I did not know that Jesus longed to bring me hope, and had wonderful plans for my life, even if they were unknown at the time. Oh how foolish was I.

The Mighty One has done great things!

I was lost in my misery. I didn't understand the power of the blessed Gospel. I wanted the fulness of joy that people talked about, I truly did, but I didn't realize that there is a secret to living this wonderful Christian life, and I was strictly prohibiting God from doing His work in my heart. This is why: I had been keeping back from God what rightly belonged to Him, that which He bought with His precious blood.

The Mighty One has done great things!

A few months later....
I had gotten so stuck in sin. I spent hours on facebook, and hours practicing my violin. I wanted the glory for myself. I spent my money quite foolishly and bought whatever made me more "cool" in the worlds eyes. One day I decided to put my life to an end, to take away what the Lord had so freely given me by a method you would know as suicide. I now do not even understand this, but I wanted to prove to everyone just how badly of a job they had done.

The Mighty One has done great things!

The same day...
I went to my class that  day (Master's Hand) and went through my classes like everything was fine. It is a very wonderful thing that my Jesus was watching over me, and that my teachers are filled with the Holy Spirit. I planned on going through with my "plans" that evening, but this is the power of Jesus! My P.E. teacher came up to me and started talking to me before I headed home. He said "Hannah, the people around you are not responsible for the way you turn out. Just because the people close to you have made mistakes, does not mean that they are responsible for your life". Words that he did not know would save my life. I think back on them now, and I really do not know why those stopped me from committing suicide. But the Lord used those words to do a work in my heart that day!

The Mighty One has done great things!

Moving on...
My spiritual life was still a wreck, but I tried to make a change in the way things were. I would say prayers every once in a while, or read my bible when I felt like it which was a big step for me (ha, I laugh at myself now). I really got into music and decided that playing old-time fiddle music is what I wanted to do with my life. These the is the quotes that I think of when this period of my life comes to mind. Now, with a deeply saddened heart.
How could I spend the best years of my life in living for the honours of this world, when thousands of souls are perishing every day? C.T Studd
‎"Oh, how I wish I had devoted my early life, my whole life to God and His Word. How much have I lost by those years of self-pleasing and running after this world's honors and pleasures." -C.T. Studd 
Hey, I guess if C.T Studd said these, then the Lord can do just as marvelous things in my life as He did in Mr. Studd's right? Oh, praise Jesus :) 

The Mighty One has done great things!

After a year of living life entirely selfishly and play-acting Christianity, the Lord finally began to get ahold of my heart through several things. First of all, I went to Fiji for about three months. I was greatly impacted there, not by anything specific, but I had never seen third-world-poverty in my life and I realized the need. Secondly, my siblings were all coming closer to Jesus and I began to have a desire for Jesus more then I had ever had before. My mom had moved back home and my parents were back together! It was so incredible to witness this miracle in my personal family and the Lord began to take over my life! 

The Mighty One has done great things!

I finally understood that I can not live a Christian life in my own strength, and that I could not live this life while living in the flesh. I needed a Robe of Righteousness, I needed to get in Christ so that He could get in me. I finally began understanding that I live not for myself, but for the very glory of God. That a love for people will not get me anywhere, but a love for the very glory of God. There was really no "Defining moment" of my Christian walk. But on March 6th, I went to a prayer meeting at Ellerslie (my church) and I was pouring out my heart to Jesus concerning abortion. I looked up and saw all of the people praying and I gained a heart first for the Lord, and a heart for the lost. I fell in love with Jesus that night. I came home and I knew instantly that the next step in my walk was to be baptized. I talked to my dad about it and all was going just as the Lord wanted it to... :)


The Mighty One has done great things!!

This picture portrays perfectly the joys of giving my life to the Lord. He truly did a great work that day, as myself and five wonderful other brothers and sisters in Christ exchanged our lives in for the life of Jesus, on the chilly day of April, 10th, 2011!!! 

The Mighty One has done GREAT things!

 Exactly two years later today... I am a completely different person. These tiny paragraphs would never be enough space to fill in all that the Lord has done, but my life gets better, day by day, moment by moment. I am my Beloved's and He is mine, both now, and forevermore!!

Psalm 103
Bless the LORD, O my soul: and all that is within me, bless his holy name.
Bless the LORD, O my soul, and forget not all his benefits:
Who forgiveth all thine iniquities; who healeth all thy diseases;
Who redeemeth thy life from destruction; who crowneth thee with lovingkindness and tender mercies;
Who satisfieth thy mouth with good things; so that thy youth is renewed like the eagle's.
The LORD executeth righteousness and judgment for all that are oppressed.
He made known his ways unto Moses, his acts unto the children of Israel.
The LORD is merciful and gracious, slow to anger, and plenteous in mercy.
He will not always chide: neither will he keep his anger for ever.
He hath not dealt with us after our sins; nor rewarded us according to our iniquities.
For as the heaven is high above the earth, so great is his mercy toward them that fear him.
As far as the east is from the west, so far hath he removed our transgressions from us.
Like as a father pitieth his children, so the LORD pitieth them that fear him.
For he knoweth our frame; he remembereth that we are dust.
As for man, his days are as grass: as a flower of the field, so he flourisheth.
For the wind passeth over it, and it is gone; and the place thereof shall know it no more.
But the mercy of the LORD is from everlasting to everlasting upon them that fear him, and his righteousness unto children's children
To such as keep his covenant, and to those that remember his commandments to do them.
The LORD hath prepared his throne in the heavens; and his kingdom ruleth over all.
Bless the LORD, ye his angels, that excel in strength, that do his commandments, hearkening unto the voice of his word.
Bless ye the LORD, all ye his hosts; ye ministers of his, that do his pleasure.
Bless the LORD, all his works in all places of his dominion: bless the LORD, O my soul.

5 comments:

  1. Hannah... Jesus is amazing. I love you friend!!

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  2. So much wisdom shared here. So much heart. Thank you, Hannah...you are glorifying Christ through your words here and through your life! Love you!!!

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  3. This is so beautiful, Hannah. I am rejoicing with you...such an incredible testimony...such an incredible Savior!

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  4. Oh Hannah, you would not know me but I knew you family along time ago (our moms use to be friends). How amazing God is, and how wonderful of you to share your heart with us. I will be praying that everyday God will show you His power in your life. It is very cool that you go to Ellerslie, I listen to sermons from there often! When I am Fort Collin for the weekend my goal is to visit Ellerslie (and to visi your family) so maybe one day I will get to share a Sunday morning with you!
    Tell your mom Jessica and Jean Hawkins say Hello!

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  5. Wow Hannah...that is incredible! No one can help but notice that Jesus has taken over your life - your eyes and smile just radiate with Christ's love!! Thanks for sharing, that was so encouraging. =)

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